Exiles, Managers and Firefighters can all have eating disorder energy. The behaviors typically come from Managers and Firefighters. Speaking with these parts is a wonderful way to communicate with oneself with curiosity, compassionate and many of the other characteristics of Self.
Following is a helpful video about the IFS personality system, which Derek Scott (a psychotherapist and IFS therapist who posts various informational videos online) posted to his YouTube account, click here
Very interesting. I know we have talked about this before, but I don't think I really grasped the concept of breaking systems theory down into such a micro level (not much more micro than the personality!)... Very social-worky!
ReplyDeleteI'm torn (or perhaps just don't fully understand the theory) about how clear cut and black and white this makes a personality seem, and I have always viewed it as more complex and technicolor. What are your thoughts?
Yes! This video suggests that IFS frames the personality in a black and white way. This video is an oversimplification of IFS theory, it’s an intro to the language and it conveys the concept of "parts." Even though it’s a good starting off point in talking about the IFS personality, I think the simple explanation is where the video fails a bit in describing the inherent complexity of the IFS personality.
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ReplyDeleteOops, I had more to add, actually, I’m going ot have to respond in a bunch of posts b/c I probably have a lot to say: So, I think an accurate visual metaphor for the way that IFS views its protectors/exiles might be to think of translucent overlapping amoeba-like onions; think of an aerial view of translucent amoeba-like onions that overlap in the style of venn diagrams :) Stick with me: The cores of the onions are the “exiles,” which are emotionally vulnerable. One of IFS’ beliefs is that we have emotional experiences (often happening in our attachment relationships) that affect us so profoundly that we live on, with one foot in the present and one in the past, carrying beliefs connected to these particular experiences. A bit like a gaping emotional wound that we don’t know how to deal with (perhaps we were ashamed and did not want to discuss, or we were scare and had no one to turn to: again there is so much to say, and often it goes back to attachment: often the people we needed were not attuned to us in the way that we needed them to be…this is not blaming in IFS, it’s more about responsibility and forgiveness…not to say there isn’t a **** here and there; but phew, more on that later). So the “exiled part” is the core of the onion. In the IFS personality, we tend to keep our exiled “parts of self” heavily protected so that we do not have to sense/feel past disintegration, confusion and pain. The external layers of the onion are all of the “protectors:” the protective mechanisms that developed over time to insulate that gaping emotional wound. Things like self-hate, justification, control, denial, self-criticism, body-hate, perfectionism, aspects of the self that that erase the memory. Then the “firefighters” are also protectors, the eating disorder for instance, they are more like the compulsive/impulsive behaviors to extinguish emotional vulnerability, and they can be onion layers too. All of these protectors cover the center of the onion.
In IFS, instead of trying to tackle the entire aerial view of the amoebic-like-onion-overlap, we just poke one layer at a time and see where it takes us, and often it takes us to attachment. But, I’ll just speak for me! I’ll give an example and I’ll simplify it as much as possible to give a basic IFS example. So, right now in my internal world, a protector part of me is saying: Your response to your cousin’s question is overly-verbose, its way too long, its redundant and it makes you seem incapable of concision and obviously too confusing and stupid. This is not a loud booming voice; it’s an undercurrent of anxiety that whispers beliefs parts have about me. Beliefs that I would not notice if I did not take a moment, tune into my body (or my mind, wherever the part (the emotion/thought) lies), and listen. When I probe this voice, it says, “Well, I really want you to consider what I’m saying because if you don’t, you’re going to be judged.” When I say, “I really appreciate and value your desire to help me evade judgment; I certainly don’t want to be judged. I also think it must take a tremendous amount of energy to avoid judgment all of the time.” The part says, “yes, it’s tiring.” Me: “I wonder if I could help relieve you of this burden?” And the part, “well, I can’t leave my post.” “Why?” “Because you’re terrified of judgment.” Then the exile begins to bubble up, and along with it: memories of this painful thing and that painful thing happening (you’ll forgive me for not giving the nitty-gritty on the experience). It’s intentionally bringing the past into the present in order to heal. Then I’ll talk to the exile from a compassionate stance and give it the attunement that it needed so long ago. There is a meditative quality to this aspect of a session. Bringing the loving light of presence to the part. So, I’ve peeled the layers of this onion and I’m nurturing the core. There are more cores, more exiles! But for now, I am here and presence, with this one. I almost want to say that I’ve arbitrated with my frontal lobe and now I’m interacting with the confines of my limbic system. It gets pretty emotional. But, most everything responds to patience, compassion and a genuine intention to give nurturing love. Eckart Tolle says: "Everything is shown up by being exposed to the light, and whatever is exposed to the light itself becomes light." Light could be supplemented with love. It’s a little bite like that. In a way, IFS is also like externalizing our thoughts and emotions onto an internal stage and resolving there.
ReplyDeleteAgain, Yes: Scott’s description is majorly black and white. But it is only the beginning of a language that can be used to interact with our internal abstractness in a manageable way. I know this is a really long response, but I hope it makes IFS a bit more clear. I’ll also add that the example I gave is just an example. A session can go many directions. Hope these thread of posts shed some additional light for you! ☺
Theveka, thank you so much for providing clarification with such depth and for sharing your internal process. It's so helpful to read the way you dialogue with your parts. You shared some vulnerability and great courage in doing so. Many, many thanks!
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